Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
