my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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