Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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