does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
