We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's never too late to be topless.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
