AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
