Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize