I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
