Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
