I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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