I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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