If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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