I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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