I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
