I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
