Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
