i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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