You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
