It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I supernannyed him into submission
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
