I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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