he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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