Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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