How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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