at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
