I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
