Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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