Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
