You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
