You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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