Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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