you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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