hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
zippers are such a cool invention
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
