i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
