is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
