i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
