my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
