I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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