me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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