i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
