I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We're too hungover to prance.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
