What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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