Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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