...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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