tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
