you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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