Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
