I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
