They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
