guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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