I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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