it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
