This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize