We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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