my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
