yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
