bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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