I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
