It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
