My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
porn star boner night. come get it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
