I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Randomize
