sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
As shirtless as possible
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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