You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
sarcasm needs its own font
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
