At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
