pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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