like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
