I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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