i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
