do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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