I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
