pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
