I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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