I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
