Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
