In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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