Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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