So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
