You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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