i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
