too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
