What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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