tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
