I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
